TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER.....A MONTH AFTER

A month has since passed to the beginning of the eternal journey of my father, who left this world for heavens on 27Th May 2009. Both of our parents left us within a span of 7 months and perhaps that was the reason for our deepest anguish and sorrow.

I have no right words to begin a tribute to my father. His departure to heavens is not easy for all of us to digest and forget. Whenever I visit my dad's house, I feel, there he would come out of his room, just buttoning his shirt, and would ask, when did you come, my son ?

I still wish, that mobile would ring and "Papaji Calling..." appears on the mobile screen. I am dying for such a call to come at least once...I still wish that he sits by my side in my car and keep telling me to drive slowly and safely, as reaching home was more important than how you fared on the highways.

I had for several days kept praying God to send him back to me for the last time, so that at least I could have asked his last wish. For few days after his demise, I continuously went to his bed wishing foolishly that from somewhere he would appear and talk to me.

While preparing for his last journey, I, after fixing up his body tightly on the death-bed, looked towards heaven for his approval, thinking I might see him somewhere up in the sky and get his approval for what I was doing to his soulless body. But the stark reality had fallen on me, that he was never ever going to complain, if he was being hurt nor he would ever answer my any calls for help or advice on any day through out my life. This time he had gone for forever.

I find myself the most unlucky son, as on both the occasion of when my mother and then my father left for eternal journey, I was not present to at least ask them, what was their last wish. The realization that he was gone forever was very difficult to accept and there were occasions when I cried, when as a young child, I cried for some toys to be purchased in the market or fair and was insisting on something, I always wanted. Dad would fulfill my that wish by buying me that toy or thing and then I would stop crying, happily wondering about the new toy. But this time it was the him, who always consoled me, had gone forever.

Stark reality was slowing dawning on me that I needed to control my berserk emotions, which I tried initially, but all in vain. I realized that what I was willing and asking for, was not possible and had never ever happened to anybody.

On the morning of 27Th May 2009, I was just helping out my wife as we were planning a renovation of our kitchen. The final touches were being given for the new temporary shifting of kitchen, since we were expecting the work to begin on the same day. I was about t to fix up the gas connection, my phone rang, brother was on the phone, he just said that the Papa was unconscious and wanted me to reach urgently. It took me another ten minutes, to reach his place about 6 Km. away from my house. During the drive I was preparing myself for his hospitalization and feared deep inside for a paralytic attack sort of thing, since he suffered from high B.P.

On reaching home, we decided to take him to hospital. While taking him out I thought that he might be listening to what we were talking. His face had a determination to fight, perhaps the fight with the death, in which he perhaps knew he would be defeated. He must have had continued with that fight for self respect till his last breath. Perhaps he was a better fighter than I actually knew him to be.

As papa and Dilipbhai, my cousin sat on the back seat while I drove the car along with Dr.Gopal, our neighbor, took him to a local hospital. While wife and brother came by another car. We waited outside the hospital gate while cousin and Dr.Gopal went inside for the doctors present at the hospital to come and examine him.

By this time around I had started to feel that something was wrong. As I was recollecting the events, when we left for the hospital. Dr.Gopal who initially wanted to go to Godrej Hospital, but later changed to local one, known to him. His sudden change of decision, though, was in consultation with my cosine, Dilipbhai, wherein I was not present. But our Mother was taken to the same hospital when she had expired, for second opinion on her death. Those were the most anxious moment of my life. I feared the worst, but still his death...... never ever came to my mind.

While his face never looked like that of a person who was no more., I could feel his body heat. (This happened since he had just died.) So I was preparing myself for much longer war for his recovery and hence contemplating that he might be shifted to even bigger hospital than Godrej, after giving him some first aid sort of treatment in this local hospital.

I still remember the words as said by the another doctor at the hospital, "he is no more...."

Those words shook my whole world. I felt like falling from top of the mountain into a deep dark cliff, where the end was not in sight.

So far I had liked to be one of the spoiled and irresponsible chap. I had habit of hiding behind my father whenever there was something which required my physical presence or my personal decisions. I left everything to Papa. He called me several times, in last few days, when he was preparing his final WILL. But I evaded his attempts to reach me on such subjects. As I kept on yelling at him that it was not the right time to even prepare the WILL, and he will live for long with us.

His words are hunting me and hunting me hard, now. He told me once, when mother was in hospital in very serious condition and doctors had unsuccessfully tried their best, that he was feeling that he would die soon, and he can not live without our mother, which I never took seriously. Actually I had never ever imagined a life, forget even my existence without him. I never ever thought about myself to be in a situation like this, if he was not to be there to guide me and protect me. Later on, thinking about him, I realized that never for a second I had imagined that I have to live one day without him. That feeling is killing me, even now.

The feeling which I harbored now are very peculiar. Being elder in the family, now I am going to be looked upon for guidance and all family related relations and responsibility, which I am not used to, because I never took Papa seriously when he tried to tell and teach me few things. Now I fear that I would surely bungle in performing my duties.

I envy him as he attained worldly freedom and I was completely shackled into chains of worldly responsibilities. I feel being ditched by him and if allowed to meet him once in my life time, I will lodge a very strong protest for the same. Actually not only me, but all who knew him were taken aback on hearing about his demise. He looked absolutely healthy and fine and had no known illness, except the blood pressure.

His profound insistence that he never liked somebody troubled because of him, stayed with him till his last breath. He did not allow any of us even a chance to look after him, take care and do little nursing for him.

It was his nature of never to trouble anyone at anytime let alone me or my brother. He was a person who was worried for everyone, to whom he knew. At times he would come to my house in the late evening at around 9.00 p.m. and leave at 10.00 p.m. as he would insist that I do not change my routine of getting up early in the morning, besides the one liner which was his favourite, " I am free." He was just always willing to help each and everybody let alone the family.

He always refused, whenever I offered him to drop him at Vikhroli home, from my home. Saying that he did not like me to drop him,as I might have had tired. besides he would insist that..." I am Free!"

He took all the responsibility for looking after mother, even when she was in hospital for quite some time. He saw that none of us exhausted and was always there to sooth our anxiety, tiredness. He maintained all sort of communications with doctors, nurses and even the ward boys.

What my father always insisted on the humanity and humility. He never believed in going to temple or STHANAK and perform rituals. He always said that the God wants us to show humanity and we just need to be humans. I have very few remembrances where he would insist on performing rituals. This was soul of the highest standards. There can not be any place except the heaven, for such s soul. And he always deserved that.

It was a thing or two to be leaned from him. he made himself so humble and full of humility that
He had retired as Chief Officer with MHADA, Nashik, an authority under Government of Maharashtra, India. He joined MHADA as junior civil engineer, just two years before my birth. He steered to such a highest post in nashik divsion, with his honesty, humanity and humility. He was simple down to earth man. He perhaps never made money, but with peace and respect he died, was his reward for the character he lived his life.

With the passage of time we tend to feel reduction in pain in our heart. Sometime you have to divert your mind and emotions to look after those behind, whose well being becomes your responsibility. Its the practice of this world, we perhaps shall never forget our loved ones but with the time our heart stops crying and accepts the reality. We slowly start to re-collect ourselves and ponder over the entire issues at hand. Our priorities change slowly and we willingly or unwillingly go back to our routine.


(I had been really very much upset over his death and I did commit few mistakes while and during the trouble which I faced emotionally after his demise. The foremost was I could not inform many of my friends and few of our relatives about the same, as I was not in position to inform everyone, since it was done by other family members. I did call them up after the prayers were over on Thursday. Some of them accepted what I told them. Few of them found it offending and difficult to digest and stayed away citing reasons they deemed right. But then there is absolutely no issues with anybody.)

PAPA, I KNEW...A YEAR AFTER...!!

27Th May 2009 was the day on which an era came to end. My father, who had been fit and fine with no known illness, breathed his last at around 7:35 AM. on that fateful Wednesday morning. It was an end of a wonderful and loving person, to whom I knew. Being the elder son I had the privilege to live more with him as a child, youngster and as father.

He was primarily employed with MHADA as civil engineer. When he finished his engineering, he was called by MHADA and he joinedin 1964. He started his career in a city called Aurangabad, in Maharashtra State. Later he was transferred to Nashik. Where we lived for the next 11 years. Though I was born in Bhuj, Kutch, but came to Nashik, when I was just 7 months old. we lived there for 11 years, covering almost enitire period of my childhood there.

We lived in a building of 2 story, built by MHADA. Those were the days when the people were free and had very little or almost no stressful life. It was absolutely peaceful life. The life in Nashik was the same as that of any place in Kutch, Gujarat, in those days. Perhaps that was the reason for him to settle in Nashik. Home and office were hardly 3 minutes walk. Office used to start at around 10:30 AM and all used to leave by 5:30 PM. No travelling hiccups and no time consumption.

In the evening people would walk down to the city bazaar, known as Main Road Bazaar, from the colony, where we lived. Papa had a cycle. We both used to go to the town together in the evening. He had one condition, that I must finish my studies to go with him to the town. Infact there used to be very little or almost no homework in those days. So he would insist that I should anwer all the maths tables, he would ask. Usually I did go out with him.

I remember his obsession with Maths. He loved Maths and would insist that I also do the same. But I was not that good in Maths and that irritated him, which resulted sometimes in good Methipaks (beatings). But he loved me and it was his love that irritade
In those days T.V. and such gadgets were not part of the life. We just had luxery of a Murphy transistor radio. We had no owned house as yet at that time. Actaully he never bothered to own a house. Such were the days that in those days people would go for a house in rare cases. People, perhaps, as like my father, had no extra money in those days. I remember he used to borrow money from one of our family friend, known to me as Ramji Kaka(Uncle). He used to send some of the money from his salary to back home to my uncle's home in Madavi, Kutch, who was his elder brother and had died when I was just 9 months old.


People would go to the banks of river Godavery, when they would feel that they are free. I can not forget the cool breeze at the river bank. Godavari river is believed to be one of the most auspecious river after Ganges, and hence Nashik had its importance differently from religious point of view. Papa, Mom and myself would go to river bank and sit there. Then go for an eatary, where I would eat Bhel. I remember the Bhelwalla who prepared a sweet Bhel for me, called Nanna Farishta Bhel.

Dad was very strict in his principles. (Once I had asked him, does he feel let down, when he saw other of his collegues, who were making money?, he asnwered that they might have had bunglows and properties, but he had a sound sleep of million rupees !) In those days I felt dad was little more linient with the people, from whom he could extract money or more precisely, can take bribe. I remember One known to me as Khara Uncle. He was a small time government contractor, and very lion hearted man, lived in Pune, Maharashtra, Dad had a very good relations with him, he would come once in a year to Dad's office as we was contracted to look for monsson treatment ofr building terrace, under control of MHADA.

He used to ask Dad to buy a television set. Which Dad always deferred. Actaully he was short of funds. Uncle would suggest that he wanted to send the T.V. set consting Rs.5,500/= in 1980, to our house, but Dad always thought otherwise. At last Uncle won and a t.v. set came to our house. But then he told us that he would need to pay those money back to uncle and for that he would not celebrate one diwali with new clothes. He did keep his word.

Later on he realized that there were few neccessities, which needed to be fulfilled. So while buying a refrigerator, we started a savings account with V.G.Paneerdas & Sons a consumer durable dealer in those yester years. In which we paid a fixed sum. After few months or even years, we accumulated good amount of money with V.G.P. and then we purchased our first refrigerator. He felt ashamed of buying things on installments.

He was very much interested in reading news papers. He had one routine, visit a local public library everyday, read different newspapers. Newspapers were not purchased everyday in those days, the way now we do it. It used to be a luxury of sort to buy the newspapers. I was so obsessed with the idea of going together with him that I aways overlooked the my plight in the library as I had to sit like a duck for almost an hour or two and wait for him to finish reading newspapers.

It used to be a hell of an experience for me, as I used to sit on a bench, while he would go from one reading desk to another. (It used to be a desk, where you could read the newspaper, standing.) Very lately I got an idea. To read some children's magazines for myself. But that used to happen seldomly, as those magazines were published monthly and I used to accompany him almost daily. So once I finished reading those magazines, at the most within 3 days again the same wait used to begin. But then I still insisted on going out with him as I loved to ride with him on the bicycle. I will never forget the joy of riding on that bicycle with Papa.

We had a good family friend, Ramjikaka. Papa had been very close to him. They both used to meet each other almost on daily basis. he one day advised Papa to enroll me for nursery. There was the only Gujarati Nursery in those days.

I was so obsessed with him that I was not wiling to go to nursery and even the school. I still to
this date remember the first day of the nursery, when he left me with the teacher, Ms. Jayashree, and I cried for long. I saw him leaving me in the nursery from the first floor balcony, he was smiling and left on the bicycle. I cried and cried for long, then Ms. Jayashree took me to the hall where there were more than 50 other children, playing. That made me forget him for a while and I was happy to see him again after 3 hours, he picked me up and took me home. Later on to make me interested in going to nursery he enrolled me for a school bus. I still remember, I used to snooze inside the bus and for twice or may be thrice, I fell down inside the bus when the breaks applied. Father would console me when I used to get down from the bus.

Papa would wait in the afternoon heat to receive me at the MHADA colony, when I returned from nursery. Since Mom was very strict, Papa did a soothing job. So I was always very happy to see him collect me at the bus stop. I had the habit of hiding behind him, initially from mother and then from the world of relations and social responsibilities, till he left for eternity. With his presence I never felt responsible. I was proudy and so confident about him, that I never imagined that I have to live without him one day and then forever. I took pride in having a complete family with mother father, brother, wife, son and daughter.

MY FATHER 27th February 1939 to 27th May 2009

In the Morning at around 7:35 A.M. of 27th May 2009, he breathed for the last time. It was an end of a wonderful person and the most loved father. With his demise a loss of a wonderful person is being felt by the family and friend circle.

He left us within a span of 7 months and 7 days precisely from our mother passed away after long illness. He never accepted her demise and never tried to forget her. It was a love we envy, with each other.

Mother's illness increased gradually after she fell in 2003, while visiting a religious place in Kutch. His focus changed. He was so bussy looking after her for the next 5 years, that being her children, we had little role to play in lookig after our ill mother. He took up all the responsibility for looking after her. Some time our mother would complain, that he was acting little strict for her diet. She lived that long because of him only. She was really very lucky to have him as her husband.

But with the death of our mother, he broke down completely. His focus and mission for life had vanished. He was free in this whole world, which must have sun his head and must have felt absolutely lonely. He was too close to our mother, to have forgot her.

He was highly disturbed when our mother had expired on 20th October 2008. And he never came out of the shock. Actually he never tried honestly to come out of the shock. We tried to convince him by different means and different explanation, to which he had only one method, evade our attempt to make him forget our mother. It was a unique case, as per my friend and neighbour, Shailesh Shah, who termed it as AMAR PREM, between my mother and father. According to him, very rarely you come accross such couple, who have great commitment for each other. Very rarely people keep their promise to live and die togather, like this.

One of my other friend where he lived in Vikhroli, had seen his tearful eyes several time., when strolled with his youngest grandchild. It was a situation not very well understood wherein he never wanted to forget my mother. He must have been asking question as to why she had left him alone in this world? He must have had been in deep bout of depression due to this, but never let us even feel that way. He missed her all the time and he must have been praying God for that. It was a really tough time for us to handle his emotions.

Actually we were perhaps the most ill-equipped to understand his emotions and counter his thoughts. But his thoughts were never disclosed to anybody. Had that been done, we could have been better be able to understand what he wanted or he thought.

Truly, his love for my mother was an exception. Though we were shocked and sad, when our mother expired, the proportion was much less because we knew about her impending death, as doctors had told us that she would not make more than two months. We tried to console father at that time and we tried to reduce his sorrow. Though he agreed with us about what we said, but he was not willing to accept the reality, the death of my mother.

Actully under pressure from family and their feelings, he did tried to divert his feelings. He had been to Bhuj for quite some time. He stayed there with one of my cousine, Deepakbhai, who was alone for some time. Both were of close to same age and they shared great time together. When he came back to Mumbai, he joined a social group where he would visit few program mes monthly. At the same time he had started to visit STHANAK on daily basis. He would go for a walk in the morning, where he befriend few people of his age.

Perhaps he tried his best to forget our mother but the time was too short. He perhaps needed few more months to neutralize feelings for mother. But meanwhile the depression and loneliness took over him. And he left for eternity on 27th May 2009.

But our logic was not as strong as his love for our mother.